some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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