you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
