Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
