Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
