ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm too high and old for this...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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