I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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