Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
