Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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