There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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