Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I AM VODKA MAN
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
