Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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