You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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