plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
