my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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