South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
