chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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