You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
