He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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