it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My balls are so social today.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
