So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
