If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize