:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
