Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
