If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
