You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
