First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
