Sry I called you an 8
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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