I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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