Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
