i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How does one acquire holy water?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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