Only a mothe r could love this liver
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize