I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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