Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
