You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
