we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
