its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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