Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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