How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
