Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
