Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
