I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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