I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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