i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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