omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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