I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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