I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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