what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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