So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
