I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
