Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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