now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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