So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
