Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize