im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How does one acquire holy water?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
