soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
