They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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