Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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