His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
