a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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