So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I woke up under a house in Key West
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
