My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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