the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
