please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How's work?
Spinning.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
