I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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