I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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