I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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