Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
