i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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