my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
