Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
