My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
