the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Randomize
