well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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