I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I party with great urgency now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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