she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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