I'm eating all of the evidence.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
