I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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