If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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