the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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