Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
