for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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