she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
