He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
