I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
