I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
