I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize