haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Even my vagina gasped.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
