remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
