community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Naked Twister starts at high noon
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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