Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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