no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
