Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
