i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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