her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
