Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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