to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
