I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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