You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
