so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My cat gives me a boner
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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