my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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