There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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